Tue, May 13 2008
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I have turned into one of those guys.
I constantly check the weather report. I am always on the lookout for a sunny afternoon that I could slide my work schedule to the evening or even the next day. And I am learning a new language.
Yep.
I’ve taken up golf.
I don’t know how I lived without it, lo, these many years. My stepson, a quite accomplished linksman, introduced me to the sport and I can’t get enough, though, I am admittedly awful.
I purchased shoes, gloves, divot repair kits, balls that are made to go long distances, balls that are made for more control, short tees, long tees, towels, and every type of gadget under the golfing sun that might, under perfect conditions, help shave a single stroke off my score.
Which with my game, would make little impact.
I once had a shot land behind the spot from which I hit. After registering quite an impressive hang time, the aforementioned shot landed with a resounding thud about a foot away from my playing partner, who had seen me play and was therefore wearing a pith helmet. It was embarrassing at the time, but the story has come in handy at happy-hour gatherings.
I have hammered wayward shots into the water, into the weeds, into the woods and once, into the cart which was supposedly safely parked in a spot directly behind me.
I have heard all my friends say, with the best of intentions, "Well, it went straighter than your last shot," or, "That’s not a horrible lie," or "That guy you hit lived a long, productive life."
I first played in West Texas, where the fairways are the consistency of asphalt and you don’t have to deal with those pesky trees.
All you really need out there is a strong putter, because the ball will bounce on those concrete courses forever. Kind of like a 6,000-yard Putt-Putt course.
Golf lingo is a little off-putting to begin with. But after just a few rounds of listening, I was able to learn enough to get me by. Kind of like learning Spanish while on a vacation in Cancun. You learn a little, but you’re careful about who you talk to.
I can now discuss bogeys and doubles and slices and chips and mulligans and wedges and club selection, I am even beginning to understand where to look for those little yardage markers on the fairway.
But, just when I began to feel a little better about my game (I shot a 72 recently, then someone told me par is for 18 holes, not just 9), I read that a gentleman almost twice my age and without the benefit of sight made a hole in one.
That’s right.
God bless him, 92-year-old Leo Fiyalko from Clearwater, Fla. suffers from macular degeneration. However, that doesn’t keep him from his weekly tee time with a group of golfers ranging in age from 70 to more than 90.
According to the Associated Press, Fiyalko scored the ace with a 5-iron on the 110-yard fifth hole at Cove Cay Country Club, last month.
"I was just trying to put the ball on the green," Leo told reporters.
Leo, I’m happy for you, but it’s a little frustrating for a guy more than 40 years your junior who can still see.
Leo has played for 60 years and this is his first ace.
Congratulations Leo.
All us hack golfers now have hope.
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