Would you like fries with that?

April 04, 2008 02:39 pm

— editor@weatherforddemocrat.com
Guys, remember the last time you bought a suit? The salesperson helping you make your choice tugged at the sleeves, measured your pants for alterations and commented on how the well the jacket fit.
Then it started.
"Here are a selection of shirts to go with your new suit."
Well I certainly wouldn't want a new suit, especially one that fit so well, to be worn with an old shirt. I'd been had.
I went in looking for a blue suit and left with the suit, three new shirts, eight ties, two pairs of shoes, six pair of socks, cuff links, a tie tack, collar stays and monogrammed handkerchiefs.
I spent about four times what I had budgeted for this particular shopping trip, I have yet to use the collar stays or the handkerchiefs, but I learned about upselling.
And upselling is everywhere.
The most common phrase uttered in the English language, "Would you like fries with that," is upselling.
Try getting through the drive-through at any fast food outlet without the high-schooler at the microphone trying to sell you more than what you ordered.
"Hi, Welcome to Snappy Burger, would you like to try one of our combo meals today?"
"No, I'd just like a medium cola."
"One medium cola. Would you like vanilla or cherry in your cola?"
"No. thanks, just the drink."
"How about some fries or cheese sticks?"
"No, I really just want the drink."
"Would you like to try our new deep-fried squid sandwich? It's served on a kaiser roll with lettuce, tomato, buffalo sauce, mayonnaise and a pickle."
"No! Thank you! All I want is my drink."
"How about a banana split, or chili cheese fries, or a chicken-fried jalapeno taco, or..."
As I drove away, still thirsty, I could hear the drive-through salesman rattling on and on with different menu choices.
And, have you noticed the same thing going on at the gas pumps?
After you slide your card through the machine, a prompt comes to the screen, beginning a test of your patience.
"Credit or Debit?," the machine flashes.
You make your choice under the false impression you are about to fill up your tank.
"PIN?"
So you tap out the digits on the key pad then hit enter, again hoping for fuel.
Not so fast.
"Would you like a car wash?"
"Hmm," you say to yourself, "It has been a while since I washed the car. It really would look nice to have that 'Disneyland 1999' sticker off the back window. Why not?"
You punch the "yes" button.
"Would you like the Platinum wash for $39.95?"
After seven precious metal choices, 10 minutes, and a sore index finger, you are losing patience, but decide on the $8.95 Aluminum package that allows you to drive near the overspray of a car getting the Platinum wash.
Ready to get gas, yet? Nope.
"Come inside and try our complete line of imported coffees," the screen invites.
"Need a cell phone? We have them inside."
"Need an attorney? There is one behind the counter."
Finally you hear the "clunk" that means you are about to get gas, only to realize the price of fuel has gone up three times while you were answering questions at the pump.
As you finally drive away from the pump, you decide to stop for a bite.
"I'd like a BLT and a small iced tea," you say.
"Would you like fries with that?"