Published: October 08, 2008 12:28 pm            

Men. Read at your own risk

Chelsea McGowan, Democrat staff writer

In the interest of maintaining journalistic integrity, I have to say the following phrase was not coined by yours truly. I stole it years ago from a former co-worker who was an absolute riot, in the most politically incorrect sense. But I was reminded of her wit today, as the day continued to be somewhat harried.

“Man, it’s a good thing I wore my Power Panties today!”

It’s been one of those weeks where Murphy’s Law is terribly evident. Software glitches, economic meltdowns, dealing with less-than-nice people ... and it’s hardly mid-week.

Now, don’t get me wrong. It could always be worse. I know this. Right about now is when I get into my Eastern-facing position and kiss the floor, thanking God I have a healthy family and a job I adore.

I’m not writing this column to complain about what has so far been a fantastically frustrating week. I’m writing this column to talk about how much easier frustrating weeks are when you’re wearing your Power Panties.

Of course, I’m referring to women, here. Although I seriously doubt any men are still reading this column, I’ll come right out and admit it is clearly dedicated to the fairer sex.

Back on topic now: Power Panties. For those of you that aren’t familiar with the concept, I’ll try to explain.

Power Panties are, in my opinion, the modern woman’s answer to the battle cry “Gird up your loins and fight!” And, if we’re following the analogy, Power Panties go much better with a good pair of heels.

Power Panties are inspiration. They help us be able to stand with our stomachs sucked in and our shoulders back and say, “Look, you don’t get to treat me that way.” I’m not talking about starting up a new feminist wave or anything, I’m talking about basic respect for fellow human beings that sometimes women fail to claim.

Someone cuts in front of you in line: No problem if you’ve got your Power Panties on. “Excuse me, but I believe I have been waiting longer than you have.”

A colleague makes your job harder by shirking their responsibilities: A total non-issue for a Power Panty gal. “Last time I checked, taking your crap wasn’t in my job description.” (Disclaimer: if you use this one on your boss and get fired, don’t blame me.)

A creepy, super-feminine man is seriously invading your personal space: A cinch to handle with your Power Panties. “Wait a minute, is someone upstairs listening to WHAM!?” And off he runs ...

And these, my friends, are just a few examples of how Power Panties can help you. In fact, some of them are instances I’ve already dealt with thus far in the week. Sassy? You bet. Strong? Like you wouldn’t believe.

I don’t claim to have the cure for a bad week. I’m just offering up something I’ve learned is useful. My friends, there’s no way I could thrive in this environment if it weren’t for my trusty Power Panties.

So, if you need me tonight, I’m probably doing laundry. It’s shaping up to be the kind of week where I’ll need six or seven pairs ready to go!

        

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