Published: October 12, 2006 09:55 am         

Buying a new car is tougher in Tyler

Everyone who drives has a horror story about buying a car.

Whether it’s about the vehicle itself, or the painful buying process that makes a trip to the oral surgeon preferable.

It takes forever — there are mountains of paperwork, and many times you leave feeling like you’ve been taken advantage of.

You get charged for undercoating, transportation charges, taxes, legal fees and a basic charge simply in place to confuse the buyer.

There are options, warranties, colors, insurance choices. The list is almost endless.

Well, add to the already daunting task of purchasing a vehicle, a general fear for your safety.

It seems an automobile salesman in Tyler became irate with a customer and whacked him on the arm with a machete.

I guess that means he won’t want the stick shift.

The Associated Press reported recently 73-year-old Robert Parker was incarcerated for aggravated assault following the incident.

Apparently, 53-year-old Gerald Davis had bought a used car from Parker and had returned to the dealership to pick up his new license plates when the pair began arguing and Parker whipped out his machete.

I’d love to have been there for the beginning of the tiff.

“What do you mean my air-conditioner is not covered under the bumper-to-bumper warranty?”

“Well, since it’s not installed on either bumper, it ain’t covered.”

Let that be a lesson to us all.

When a pushy salesman asks, “What it will take to get you in a new car, TODAY?”

Remember, he may be armed.

Having a weapon could make the salesman’s job easier, though.

It’s simple to get someone to accept $500 monthly payments and a trade-in allowance that would qualify as robbery when someone is standing over you with a machete.

In fairness, though, after going on a 40-mile test drive with Joe and Flo and their three sociopath children in a two-door Honda Civic with a quart of gas in the tank, the sales professional would, in my estimation, be justified in taking out nunchucks when Joe and Flo say, “Oh, we’re just looking. We just bought a new Hyundai and we wanted to make sure we got a good deal. Besides, test drives are so much fun.”

I do have to wonder, though, what kind of criteria the Tyler car dealer has for hiring sales people.

“Wanted, commission sales representative. Must be professional in appearance, good with numbers and have a concealed handgun permit. History of violence OK.”

Most sales organizations have a short orientation and training period for new sales people. I can only guess what it would be like in this business.

They have two hours of product knowledge training, a sales refresher session and an hour with a martial arts trainer (for those stubborn prospects).

Police say they don’t know what the argument was about.

I’ll bet I do.

The dealer had charged an arm and a leg for the car and the salesman was just getting the first payment.

     

• Click to discuss this story with other readers on our forums.