The aftermarks of love

Tue, May 13 2008

— Last year at Lady Bird Johnson’s funeral, Lucy said that her mother believed that love, in the end, usually leaves us with at least two feelings: “If only ... ” and “We will be forever grateful ... ” These two feelings are the tracks left behind when we love and are loved in return. Looking back on love, we often have both regret and gratitude.
The writer Paul Horgan complains, “Why is there no philosophy of pain incidental to love? We are prepared for it in all other human undertakings, but not love.” Indeed, pain is as much a part of love as ecstasy — especially the pain of regret.
Pain is inevitable because love can only exist in an environment of mutual freedom. And our human love, even at its best, is neither all-knowing nor all-powerful. As a result, we often find ourselves lamenting, “If only it could have been different” or “If we had only had more time.” Or remorsefully, we wish we had done this or not done that — regretting we were not perfect in our love.
“If only ... ” is not always a sign of failure. Often it’s an indication we have loved each other more deeply than is humanly possible.
On the other hand, besides exposing ourselves to the pain of regret, when we love deeply we’re given invaluable gifts for which “we will be forever grateful.”
Whether it’s in the context of friendship, family or marriage, the gifts of love are priceless and full of grace: Faithful companionship in all seasons, a listening ear and kindred spirit, being accepted for who we are, a hand up when we’re down, patience and forgiveness when we fail, someone who believes in us even when we don’t believe in ourselves, and a nurturing presence that remains with us even beyond separation and death.
To love and be loved as God loves us is a gift of grace for which we cannot help but be forever grateful. That’s why the poet Robert Frost could write, “I crave the stain of tears, the aftermark of almost too much love.” Amen and amen!
Happy Valentines!
u
John Paul Carter’s “Notes from the Journey” appear in the Democrat’s Religion page on the second and fourth Fridays of each month. Carter, an ordained minister who attends Central Christian Church, may be contacted by writing him at 107 Bent Oak Road, Weatherford, 76086. Columns submitted to The Weatherford Democrat by guest writers reflect the opinions of the writer and in no way reflect the beliefs or opinions of The Weatherford Democrat.